in 50 minutes.
i feel weird about this because it's been a very long time since i've had brunch with someone i don't know at all.
ah well. even if i don't know her, i do know how much i love brunch.
krissy! brunch is like the best meal ever! do you miss it very much while living in japan??
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
...
when i title my blog post "..." it's not a good thing.
a terrible thing has happened to a person's family--
there is more to say. i TAed yesterday--taught my students about heart of darkness. met new first year grad students (who were there with lorna) at a coffeeshop where we were working--went out for beer.
here is a feeling that was surprising. i was embarrassed--meeting these male comp lit/philosophy grad students--i was embarrassed to be wearing a pretty skirt. i thought, they think i'm stupid. they think i'm a this froufy girl, wearing this skirt, reading trashy victorian literature (specifically: haggard's "she" which i personally think is rad)--but why??? why do i feel like this? it makes no sense--and i'm sick of always immediately feeling on the defensive, as though i have to preemptively defend my right to be a female phd student in a cute skirt--
i assume, this is how i go through life i think, that i give off stupid. someone told me once, "i didn't think you were smart, you know, because you're so nice"
so anyway. shouldn't care. do.
and then what. this horrible tragedy strikes another family.
there is something to be said when your biggest problem of the day is that someone who you don't know insinuated you are dumb----what a fucking luxury.
a terrible thing has happened to a person's family--
there is more to say. i TAed yesterday--taught my students about heart of darkness. met new first year grad students (who were there with lorna) at a coffeeshop where we were working--went out for beer.
here is a feeling that was surprising. i was embarrassed--meeting these male comp lit/philosophy grad students--i was embarrassed to be wearing a pretty skirt. i thought, they think i'm stupid. they think i'm a this froufy girl, wearing this skirt, reading trashy victorian literature (specifically: haggard's "she" which i personally think is rad)--but why??? why do i feel like this? it makes no sense--and i'm sick of always immediately feeling on the defensive, as though i have to preemptively defend my right to be a female phd student in a cute skirt--
i assume, this is how i go through life i think, that i give off stupid. someone told me once, "i didn't think you were smart, you know, because you're so nice"
so anyway. shouldn't care. do.
and then what. this horrible tragedy strikes another family.
there is something to be said when your biggest problem of the day is that someone who you don't know insinuated you are dumb----what a fucking luxury.
Monday, November 2, 2009
not writing:
a sign that things are going well! but also badly! that is, i am happy, but i'm ineffective and getting worried that i will fail my written exams.
halloween has come and gone which means we are in my birthday month. RAH! happy about that! fall is the best time of year i think, when it's just one thing after another, first krissy's birthday, then dad's, then halloween, then my birthday, then thanksgiving, then mom's birthday, then christmas.
i don't need new year's. new year's has, by pure fluke, been good for maybe three years out of the past 27. but those aren't good odds.
ANYWAY, back to life: friday, i saw where the wild things are and had an excellent thai dinner at "most authentic thai restaurant" (said the non-thai owner) with jocelyn. this place actually had great food and copious amounts of spice, but it's hard to really take seriously the claims the owner (who was also our waiter) made for authenticity. some quotes:
"so 17 years ago, i had thai food for the first time. and I was like, woah! a year later, i opened my restaurant"
"you guys, i know real thai food. i've been to bangkok, i've been to chiang mai, and... um... yeah, i've been to phuket."
BUT we got to sit in a window and eat free pot stickers, so guess what, i'm totally coming back to this most authentic of all thai places ever, run by a man named anthony.
i have this coupon given to me by mexicana airlines--three nights, four days free at a resort in cancun. jocelyn is coming with me--we're thinking this trip might have to take the place of peru this year--jocelyn just is SO BUSY this summer, so maybe he can't do peru. anyway, turns out, it's a time share vacation. these time share vacations are VERY SNEAKY.
imagine:
"Hi Ladies, please sign here for two more margaritas (whispers under his breath) and a timeshare"
and then next thing you know, jocelyn and i have blown our whole stipend on a time share in cancun. WHICH WOULD ACTUALLY BE AWESOME. "hey guys, look at me! i try not to do laundry for a month at a time to save money, but check out my sweet timeshare!"
afterwards, drinks at the sovereign, which turned into a big party, and then tessa on saturday! i love tessa. we've been friends for 20 years now. isn't that nuts? and she's engaged! she was there for my 8-13 year old birthday parties and now i'm going to her wedding.
i love that i've lived long enough now that life strikes me as strange all over again.
more to come, but really, there's so much work to do!
halloween has come and gone which means we are in my birthday month. RAH! happy about that! fall is the best time of year i think, when it's just one thing after another, first krissy's birthday, then dad's, then halloween, then my birthday, then thanksgiving, then mom's birthday, then christmas.
i don't need new year's. new year's has, by pure fluke, been good for maybe three years out of the past 27. but those aren't good odds.
ANYWAY, back to life: friday, i saw where the wild things are and had an excellent thai dinner at "most authentic thai restaurant" (said the non-thai owner) with jocelyn. this place actually had great food and copious amounts of spice, but it's hard to really take seriously the claims the owner (who was also our waiter) made for authenticity. some quotes:
"so 17 years ago, i had thai food for the first time. and I was like, woah! a year later, i opened my restaurant"
"you guys, i know real thai food. i've been to bangkok, i've been to chiang mai, and... um... yeah, i've been to phuket."
BUT we got to sit in a window and eat free pot stickers, so guess what, i'm totally coming back to this most authentic of all thai places ever, run by a man named anthony.
i have this coupon given to me by mexicana airlines--three nights, four days free at a resort in cancun. jocelyn is coming with me--we're thinking this trip might have to take the place of peru this year--jocelyn just is SO BUSY this summer, so maybe he can't do peru. anyway, turns out, it's a time share vacation. these time share vacations are VERY SNEAKY.
imagine:
"Hi Ladies, please sign here for two more margaritas (whispers under his breath) and a timeshare"
and then next thing you know, jocelyn and i have blown our whole stipend on a time share in cancun. WHICH WOULD ACTUALLY BE AWESOME. "hey guys, look at me! i try not to do laundry for a month at a time to save money, but check out my sweet timeshare!"
afterwards, drinks at the sovereign, which turned into a big party, and then tessa on saturday! i love tessa. we've been friends for 20 years now. isn't that nuts? and she's engaged! she was there for my 8-13 year old birthday parties and now i'm going to her wedding.
i love that i've lived long enough now that life strikes me as strange all over again.
more to come, but really, there's so much work to do!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
some amazing things
1. i love my painting class. who knew painting an orange, apple and bottle for three hours today could be so fulfilling? i got paint all over my hands and some on my face--i am a messy painter.
2. i am still silly happy about seeing friends in mexico.
3. a professor from an undergraduate class i took 5 years ago at USC spoke at NU last night--and she remembered me! i couldn't believe it.
4. andre sent me an 8x10 picture he took from the day we went to montmarte--i love this picture. i need a frame.
5. tessa is in town and i get to see her saturday!
6. a new love of balzac
7. maha and i had our first lncc event as co-chairs of the group and it was a smashing success.
8. i met an assistant professor who does victorian literature from uic. LOVE.
9. i can't wait until nicaragua--i keep looking at volcano hikes.
10. friday is movie and sovereign night with jocelyn.
and so basically all is good right now.
2. i am still silly happy about seeing friends in mexico.
3. a professor from an undergraduate class i took 5 years ago at USC spoke at NU last night--and she remembered me! i couldn't believe it.
4. andre sent me an 8x10 picture he took from the day we went to montmarte--i love this picture. i need a frame.
5. tessa is in town and i get to see her saturday!
6. a new love of balzac
7. maha and i had our first lncc event as co-chairs of the group and it was a smashing success.
8. i met an assistant professor who does victorian literature from uic. LOVE.
9. i can't wait until nicaragua--i keep looking at volcano hikes.
10. friday is movie and sovereign night with jocelyn.
and so basically all is good right now.
Monday, October 26, 2009
content, happy weekend
here's something you should know--if you ever have to fly to mexico to see a friend since forever get married and you're only going to be there one day, and you are considering not going, GO!
i wasn't sure how it would be--if i would hold up, survive, everything. but it was amazing. mark always gets the most enthusiastic side of me (drunk phone call from mexico at 1am) and the most down side too (phone call from sleepy, tired, mopey jade at 9pm yesterday). the truth is, the high points outweighed the negative points. and if i get down, it's because i was on a plane for 8 hours yesterday being hungover and thinking mark never misses me.
the wedding: sam looked stunning--when she walked down the wooden bridge into the beach gazebo, we just couldn't believe it. sam was (and still is) always beautiful in high school and college--but she was stunning yesterday. adrian looked like he was on cloud 9--they're married! sam, who i think broke every boy's heart in high school, has found her man! i thought about when we would have sleep-overs together, when she got back from cambridge, when she would tease me mercilessly about something, superbowl parties, brunch at her sorority house, all these dances we went to together, all the boys we talked about.... here is something to know about samantha. when you are her friend, you are her friend for life. i have never known anyone so intensely loyal to her friends.
the resort was beautiful... and all-inclusive. which is like saying, beautiful, but deadly. do you know how terrible it is to just be given drinks for free from 4pm-1am? i'm pretty sure all of us from high school, with the exception of ashton, got destroyed. which reminds me, SO MANY PEOPLE FROM OVERLAKE. there was a huge contingent of us high school friends--which was great! i always love seeing ashton, and i got to meet his girlfriend too! and see cair and linds! i think though that one of the best feelings is re-meeting the people you were only acquaintances with in high school and finding out how awesome they are 9 years later. chances are, they were always awesome--but in high school i felt so awkward stepping outside who i already knew--and hence, only acquaintances. but sahar and scooter are rad. i would hang out with those two any day. it's so funny, going to this wedding made me want to go to our 10 year reunion. i think we were a pretty stellar high school class.
the beach! i woke up, which was really against all odds, at 6am to go swimming by myself in the atlantic. the water was perfect, it was already hot outside--i couldn't believe how beautiful and warm it was. mark doesn't like beaches, and i do get that--but at that time in the morning, when no one is around and you have sun, sand and water all to yourself, it's this moment where everything in the world doesn't exist, all there is is this one perfect moment staring at the sky while floating on your back. ashton and diana met me for breakfast at 7:30--and it was so incredibly nice to see both of them and not be drunk.
back on plane. flying into mexico city (where i did my transfer) i couldn't believe how much it sprawled, how much smog there was--it made me want to get off the plane and explore. i still want to explore. i think i'm in love with new places.
i wasn't sure how it would be--if i would hold up, survive, everything. but it was amazing. mark always gets the most enthusiastic side of me (drunk phone call from mexico at 1am) and the most down side too (phone call from sleepy, tired, mopey jade at 9pm yesterday). the truth is, the high points outweighed the negative points. and if i get down, it's because i was on a plane for 8 hours yesterday being hungover and thinking mark never misses me.
the wedding: sam looked stunning--when she walked down the wooden bridge into the beach gazebo, we just couldn't believe it. sam was (and still is) always beautiful in high school and college--but she was stunning yesterday. adrian looked like he was on cloud 9--they're married! sam, who i think broke every boy's heart in high school, has found her man! i thought about when we would have sleep-overs together, when she got back from cambridge, when she would tease me mercilessly about something, superbowl parties, brunch at her sorority house, all these dances we went to together, all the boys we talked about.... here is something to know about samantha. when you are her friend, you are her friend for life. i have never known anyone so intensely loyal to her friends.
the resort was beautiful... and all-inclusive. which is like saying, beautiful, but deadly. do you know how terrible it is to just be given drinks for free from 4pm-1am? i'm pretty sure all of us from high school, with the exception of ashton, got destroyed. which reminds me, SO MANY PEOPLE FROM OVERLAKE. there was a huge contingent of us high school friends--which was great! i always love seeing ashton, and i got to meet his girlfriend too! and see cair and linds! i think though that one of the best feelings is re-meeting the people you were only acquaintances with in high school and finding out how awesome they are 9 years later. chances are, they were always awesome--but in high school i felt so awkward stepping outside who i already knew--and hence, only acquaintances. but sahar and scooter are rad. i would hang out with those two any day. it's so funny, going to this wedding made me want to go to our 10 year reunion. i think we were a pretty stellar high school class.
the beach! i woke up, which was really against all odds, at 6am to go swimming by myself in the atlantic. the water was perfect, it was already hot outside--i couldn't believe how beautiful and warm it was. mark doesn't like beaches, and i do get that--but at that time in the morning, when no one is around and you have sun, sand and water all to yourself, it's this moment where everything in the world doesn't exist, all there is is this one perfect moment staring at the sky while floating on your back. ashton and diana met me for breakfast at 7:30--and it was so incredibly nice to see both of them and not be drunk.
back on plane. flying into mexico city (where i did my transfer) i couldn't believe how much it sprawled, how much smog there was--it made me want to get off the plane and explore. i still want to explore. i think i'm in love with new places.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
watch out 24 hours in another country
it's 10:30 pm and i'm off to bed. those are my thursdays now because i wake up at 6am to start lesson planning for my 10am class. here's the day tomorrow through the weekend:
6:00am --waking up, getting to school, lesson planning like a maniac
10:00am-11am--class!
11am-12:30pm--lunch with jocelyn (hoorah!)
12:30pm--student meeting
2:00pm-3:00pm--teaching class again!
3:00pm-6:00pm--finish grading, turn in grades to jules
6:00-9:00pm--finish making exam questions, start reading for written exams, take notes
9:00pm--go to airport
1:00am (saturday)--get on plane
1:00pm--arrive in cancun for sam's wedding
1:30pm-4:00pm--die die (sleep in room)
4:00pm--wedding!!
11:30am (sunday)--leave for chicago!
8:00pm--arrive back in chicago
this weekend is nonsensical to me. there is so much to do in the next three days i'm not even sure if i'm excited or not. i mean, i'm excited. but i'm tired just looking and thinking at it. how do i imagine myself actually doing it?
and also, will i pass written exams?
6:00am --waking up, getting to school, lesson planning like a maniac
10:00am-11am--class!
11am-12:30pm--lunch with jocelyn (hoorah!)
12:30pm--student meeting
2:00pm-3:00pm--teaching class again!
3:00pm-6:00pm--finish grading, turn in grades to jules
6:00-9:00pm--finish making exam questions, start reading for written exams, take notes
9:00pm--go to airport
1:00am (saturday)--get on plane
1:00pm--arrive in cancun for sam's wedding
1:30pm-4:00pm--die die (sleep in room)
4:00pm--wedding!!
11:30am (sunday)--leave for chicago!
8:00pm--arrive back in chicago
this weekend is nonsensical to me. there is so much to do in the next three days i'm not even sure if i'm excited or not. i mean, i'm excited. but i'm tired just looking and thinking at it. how do i imagine myself actually doing it?
and also, will i pass written exams?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
momentum
i feel depression threatening... like this ominous thing lurking in the periphery, like a charles dickens villain.
i need serious momentum to carry me through grad school--there is the weight that hangs over the experience, and it's all made up of feelings of inadequacy, stress, the sense everyone hates you, the sense you've peaked already, imminent failure, not seeing eye-to-eye with peers, saying stupid things in class, disliking people, out of coffee, everything.
it's very tricky staying happy with grad school. right now, i'm trying to stick it out--let my good feeling carry me as far as possible until the truly inevitable depression that hits in february. the problem is that everything is already starting to lag... i feel, not so much work, but other people dragging me down. i let other people's moods affect me too much.
i took my first intro to painting class yesterday--i forgot, i love love drawing and painting.
okay, need to sleep. more to come soon on this same topic.
i need serious momentum to carry me through grad school--there is the weight that hangs over the experience, and it's all made up of feelings of inadequacy, stress, the sense everyone hates you, the sense you've peaked already, imminent failure, not seeing eye-to-eye with peers, saying stupid things in class, disliking people, out of coffee, everything.
it's very tricky staying happy with grad school. right now, i'm trying to stick it out--let my good feeling carry me as far as possible until the truly inevitable depression that hits in february. the problem is that everything is already starting to lag... i feel, not so much work, but other people dragging me down. i let other people's moods affect me too much.
i took my first intro to painting class yesterday--i forgot, i love love drawing and painting.
okay, need to sleep. more to come soon on this same topic.
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